My favorite guy I work with is “J” - TALL, handsome,funny, incredibly intelligent, with an AMAZING body.

 We get along so well. I must blush around him all the time. I would suck him off in a second flat. I always think about standing on my toes just to get to his lips, his tongue in my mouth, or him senselessly fucking my brainsout.

He’s the kind of strong guy that would probably bottom out since his dick is likely huge.

 He has “good fuck” written all over him. I would ride him until he came over and over. I wish he would eat me out more than anything else in the world.

 The idea of him toying with my clit, fingering me, squeezing my tits gets me off every time. I’d even let him fuck me in the ass if he wanted, and that’s where I usuallydraw the line.

“J,” if you’re reading this and magically know who Iam, feel more than free to start fucking me whenever you want. At work,

down some dark alley way,

 a shitty and cramped apartment bathroom,

 wherever. In fact, that might make it better.

My husband of 3 yrs got a promotion last week,

 I was very happy about it until I learned that he was going to have to work 2nd shift, so that mean’t I would see him late at night.

 So this weekend his buddy was over and I over heard him tell his buddy ” to stop by the house and keep an eye on me” THAT PISSED ME OFF.

So yesterday when his buddy (Chris) stop by “TO USE THE COMPUTER”

I walked up to him an unzipped

 his pants and gave him the best blowjob he ever had,

 and I let him cum in my mouth plus I swallowed for him, when I don’t for my husband,

after he came we went to the bedroom and he lick me until I came and the we did some fucking for about an hour. After that I fell asleep and when I woke up and he was gone.

But I have a big problem now, because he just called and told me he took pictures of me when I fell asleep,

and that he wants this to continue, plus he wants me to have his child or else he’s going to show my husband what I did.

One time, when i was at my house having sex with my then
girlfriend, i heard a disguisting sound as we switched positions.

The room was quiet for a few seconds

as i pondered what the fuck just
happened.

Finally, I just asked her.. “Did you just fart”?

“Oh My God Yes!!!” She replied. “Your going to break up with me
now!”

“No”, i said, “I’m not”. Though in my mind I was screaming, “Your
fucking gone with the wind babe!

Just like that damn stinker!”

Last week when i was at a house party, i drank way to much

this horny chick dried gettingin my pants.

 as a good Christian man, i refused twice. but the thirdtime,

i rushed into the bathroom with her, stripped her of all her belongings, and had intercourse with her while sitting on the toiletseat.

after a few strokes, my penis fell out of her vagina.

 I asked her if she would like to suck my cock. With an angry voice, she said no. And sat right back on it.

She started thrusting back and forth, left andright, and up and down,

I came inside her, finishing of smooth and very cleanly, but not making her reach her climax.

i was in the middle of math class one day when this cute guy i liked asked me for a pen.

I could have died since he finally knew i existed…anyway i started to search through my bag frantically checking every single compartment and then it happened…

i felt it in my fingertips. “yes” i thought. i whipped it out and tossed it to him. it was a tampon.

I work as as the person who refills vending machines for a living.
Anyway, I always fill the vending machines in a way so that it eather eats the change or the product get stuck on the metal screw despencer..

Then i get out of uniform and just sit down with a newspaper and LMAO at the people trying to vend….

It kind of like waching mice trying to find the cheese in a maze (but the cheese is teleporting from place to place)

I know i’m a sick bastard.

I fooled around with a hot chick last night.It came as far as dry-humping like maniacs, but no actual sex.

In any case, now I got small friction wounds all over the upper part of my penis. And I swear, I’m hornier than a fucking rabbits after foreplay.

Now it’s the evening after, and I still can’t masturbate to relieve the sexual frustration because every time I try, it burns like hell. But I get a boner EVERY TWO SECONDS and I can’t think clearly anymore.

It’s the most horrible thing. I have work meetings and presentations to do this week, and if the wounds don’t heal, I’m in deep shit. Hopefully, I’ll be able to think myself to an orgasm by then or something.

i was working at a bible camp one summer

and one night we were bored so we decided to light our farts on fire, this girl who i was really attracted knew i farted like crazy and had some massive ones, so i felt one coming on, and when i let it loose it was a little bubble and did nothing.

i felt like less of a man cause i couldnt light a fart in front of her.

I was really mean to my dogs once.

I cut one of my dogs hair and piled it up on the coffee table.

Then I looked at it and got all excited, I started petting the pile of hair, and stroking it, and talking puppy talk to the pile of hair.
My dogs thought it was another puppy I brought home for them to play with. They got all excited! They got up on their hind legs and danced around!

Then they sniffed the pile of hair… and found out it wasn’t alive.
They then ignored me for the next 2 days.

I work in a Chinese restaurant where we make our own fortune cookies.

We have microphones underneath the restaurant’s tables, thus we are able to listen in on the customers’ conversations.

We wait until we hear something of particular importance in the customer’s life, then make a fortune cookies whose fortunes are specific for that customer and the people they are eating with. Our customers are often shocked at how accurate their fortunes are.

If only they knew we were listening in on their conversations, they wouldn’t be so suprised. Last week, I was listening to two women who were discussing an affair they were having behind their husbands’ backs. The fortune I wrote for them was, “Stop cheating on your husband or an ugly divorce will soon cloud your days.” When she opened the cookie, she was noticeably shaken.

We haven’t seen her at the restaurant since she broke open that cookie.